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am I back but I remain unchanged :-( - show your bones
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am I back but I remain unchanged :-(

It just hit me that I’ll be 21 in two months and yet I haven’t begun to try and re-vamp my life. I am noty at the point where I want to be right now and that disappoints me.  However I am making it a point to get there. Just not fast enough. 

I don’t care what anyone says 21 is a milestone. It’s the time in your life where you learn to get all  the shit together that you fucked up as a teen ( ahem 18-20).  Or at least it is to me.  

Here I am staring down the road at the person I was supposed to be. I have been held back. Held back by family, friends and most importantly myself. No more! even though i've said this a thousand times, no more. I cannot take it anymore. I have gotten complacent with my situaion, like anyone would with doing the same thing for damn near 8 years but no more. I must break free of this shell because there is nothing quite as painful as looking into the mirror and, seeing someone you don't recongize.

My biggest problems money & weight. How typical!   I have changed so much from the girl I once was and now I am in that transitional stage of womanhood.  So fixing my finances is a must. The comical thing about it is that I never had a financial problem until I moved back in with my parents.   My father was never great with money, as in paying bills, giving you money none of that and he still isn’t.   Despite knowing that completely I like a total dumbass, moved back in and dug myself into a deep into a financial debt whole. One that he refused to take ownership over leaving me to fend for myself. 

As for my weight that is my fault and always has been. Sometimes I get so depressed about it I honestly believe I am never going to change.  But then I end up losing but it’s never in huge amounts. So I am trying once again to lose weight. Hell my father has lost 20 lbs! Many of my ‘friends’  ( the ones who have grown both accustomed and appreciative to my fat ass) tell me that am I totally cute and shouldn’t care about it. But when your size 2 body is carrying a size 12 frame; something has to give. In case something has to go!

Right now I feel stuck. I feel  like I am in a rut that I cannot get out of. Am I trying to remember that I can do this and remain positive but I feel like shit.

 

Wish me luck, my journey started 11 days ago. Time is bitch and she keeps on running in front of me!

 

 

There's probably alot of typos. Sorry this is via blackberry and I am in a rush!

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