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show your bones
skill of an artist
So update.

Third year at Uni. and I'm preparing for GMAT's.

Modeling but trying to get more work so i'm on a lifestyle change. I'm a vegetarian.

I am about to start living the life I’ve always wanted. And I thought that I would be scared when this time came around but I’m not. 

I still have so much to do. Like first off, I need to lose weight. I lost about 30 something lbs and then gained back like5. I need to lose them again.

I have 17 weeks to lose 65 lbs, which adds up to roughyl 3.76 lbs a week and I was worried as hell until…

My mom wanted to be a Marine when she was my age and the only reason she didn’t make it was because she was losing weight to fast – 5 to 6 lbs a week – and she wasn’t even fat! So they told her to slow down and when she did she ended up gaining five lbs.   She said I inherited her metabolism and I’m hoping she’s right. I must get back on the ball. Modeling is not about to wait for me. I was losing so much weight when all I did was eat vegetarian ( not carbatarian but salads, sushi and soup) in small portions, drinking like 10 bottles of water and walk everywhere. I’m going back to that. I’m going to start eating only whole fresh produce from no one and drinking smoothies but walking everywhere. No matter if I start modeling or not I want to be a size 2.  


Plus, I really need to study my portugese. I think that’s what I’m going to do this weekend to keep my mind sharp. URGH. I feel like a slacker and I HATE that feeling . I must lose weight and I MUST make it happen now!

I just have so much to do. I may be hte only person who has no idea what to do with herself during summer vacation.

Also, I cannot decide what color to dye my hair. It's natrually a very light reddish brown ( 4 to be exact) and I've been dyeing it blue black for years.  URGH... whatever. I'm getting a bubble tea and some miso.  BACK TO THIN!
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you know that place where who you are meets who you want to be, I'm so there.  HUGE UPDATELATER
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It just hit me that I’ll be 21 in two months and yet I haven’t begun to try and re-vamp my life. I am noty at the point where I want to be right now and that disappoints me.  However I am making it a point to get there. Just not fast enough. 

I don’t care what anyone says 21 is a milestone. It’s the time in your life where you learn to get all  the shit together that you fucked up as a teen ( ahem 18-20).  Or at least it is to me.  

Here I am staring down the road at the person I was supposed to be. I have been held back. Held back by family, friends and most importantly myself. No more! even though i've said this a thousand times, no more. I cannot take it anymore. I have gotten complacent with my situaion, like anyone would with doing the same thing for damn near 8 years but no more. I must break free of this shell because there is nothing quite as painful as looking into the mirror and, seeing someone you don't recongize.

My biggest problems money & weight. How typical!   I have changed so much from the girl I once was and now I am in that transitional stage of womanhood.  So fixing my finances is a must. The comical thing about it is that I never had a financial problem until I moved back in with my parents.   My father was never great with money, as in paying bills, giving you money none of that and he still isn’t.   Despite knowing that completely I like a total dumbass, moved back in and dug myself into a deep into a financial debt whole. One that he refused to take ownership over leaving me to fend for myself. 

As for my weight that is my fault and always has been. Sometimes I get so depressed about it I honestly believe I am never going to change.  But then I end up losing but it’s never in huge amounts. So I am trying once again to lose weight. Hell my father has lost 20 lbs! Many of my ‘friends’  ( the ones who have grown both accustomed and appreciative to my fat ass) tell me that am I totally cute and shouldn’t care about it. But when your size 2 body is carrying a size 12 frame; something has to give. In case something has to go!

Right now I feel stuck. I feel  like I am in a rut that I cannot get out of. Am I trying to remember that I can do this and remain positive but I feel like shit.


Wish me luck, my journey started 11 days ago. Time is bitch and she keeps on running in front of me!



There's probably alot of typos. Sorry this is via blackberry and I am in a rush!

Current Location: on the T
Current Music: crying babies and coughing homeless lady

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Something’s are going great and, others are not so fabulous. I guess that to have a fantastic social life, is to limit my career abilities. I am not sure. I am infatuated with a guy that a new friend has said not to bother with. I am not sure. So I am going to move on from it. I am going to concentrate on me.



I’m making a new live journal layout, so give me time. I have them in soon. 

p.s. Charlotte Gainsborg has an amazing Cd

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I have decided that I need a cat.  I do not need a dog right now. Why? I couldn’t have a dog.  They require way too much attention. http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/9352/owners.html


 Should help me get through my


 cat days . more later

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I’m taking a moment to fix my make-up … aka Hiatus for a short while. Replies will be at a minimum but I will be active as I can be. XOXOXO Chanel Kisses
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hey SOS i need an good laptop whats the best kind
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THIS HAS BEEN JUST A SHITTY FUCKING TWO DAYS. I am not lying.. It’s been penis.
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